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    你可能一輩子也遇不到合適的人

    有多少人的單身宣言,一直是“我在等那個合適的人出現”。 可現實是,你遇到了很多人,錯過了很多人,即使你已經談過很多次戀愛,可你始終沒能夠遇到一個“合適...

    有多少人的單身宣言,一直是“我在等那個合適的人出現”。

    可現實是,你遇到了很多人,錯過了很多人,即使你已經談過很多次戀愛,可你始終沒能夠遇到一個“合適的人”。看到恩愛的情侶,你埋怨、嫉妒,為什么我就遇不到一個人,談一場甜甜蜜蜜的戀愛?

    不是上天不眷顧你,而是遇到一個合適的人,本身就是極小概率的事件。

    什么樣的才能夠被稱作“合適的人”?

    他能夠包容你所有的脾氣,在你無理取鬧的時候還可以一把攬進懷里,親吻額頭給予一個大大的擁抱,他能夠比你的gay蜜們更準確地察覺到你的壞心情并用最合適的方式給予最恰當的安慰,他還要能包容你所有的缺點,三觀和你高度統一,五觀符合你的審美。在他眼中你就是在世貂蟬轉世楊貴妃,無論身邊多少美少女圍繞他都還能夠不為所動深情凝視你說出“你才是最美”。

    對男人來說同樣如此,她要貌美如花,還要善良顧家,最好還能和你一起打lol。可是和男朋友在一起打lol時候的女生表情估計也和lol差不多吧。

    所以你所想的“合適的人”,其實都是你心中最“完美的人” 。

    遇到一個“完美的人”人有多難
    遇到一個“合適的人”就有多難

    很多人拒絕別人的時候,或者分手的時候都是用“我們不合適”來作為理由:性格不適合,長相不適合,生活方式不適合,你愛吃辣,我愛吃甜,這都是不合適啊,那么多可以證明我們不合適的理由擺在眼前呢,不適合怎么在一起呢?簡直讓人無法反駁。

    你說,不是啊,我只要性格合適就可以了,要求哪有那么高。
    其實,性格合適,才是最高的要求。兩個完完全全不同的人類,性格注定了是分裂的,看起來合適的性格,都是經過了歲月的磨合,雙方各自退一萬步,收起屬于自身尖銳的刺,才能夠最終換來一個合適的懷抱。

    有個老友,和男朋友膩歪到不行,每天在朋友圈上演遇到真愛的偶像劇情景。可最終還是分手。問分手原因,她說:“我太敏感,他太慢熱,性格不合適。”

    比如,她喜歡在聊天的時候用各種顏文字表情賣萌,男朋友回復都是簡單的文字,她深深受挫,覺得沒受到重視。她覺得他應該是最懂她的人,她說半句話他就能理解,當她說了兩句話他還不能理解的時候,她就覺得他們不合適了。她感動的,男朋友也應該感動;她重視的,男朋友也應該重視;如果男朋友做不到和她有一樣的想法和感受,這就是性格不合適,沒辦法在一起過以后的日子了。

    他喜歡結交朋友,你就讓他去,那是他生活的一部分,不要因為你習慣了占有,就覺得他的生活時刻都要以你為中心,你們才是合適對方的人;

    她偶爾無理取鬧,擺擺臭臉,你也多理解,不能因為你習慣了主導,就認為她一定要對你百依百順你們才是適合對方的人。

    不要把任何事情都上升到“性格不合適”那個層面上來。合不合適不是以你們之間的不同點去判斷的,而是以你們肯不肯去接受對方的不同點來判斷的。

    我們的個性中都應該有獨立于彼此而存在的部分,我們也都應該學會去接納彼此與我不同的價值觀和生活方式。

    所以你遇不到合適的人,不是你們不適合,可能只是因為你們不肯磨合。

    無法接受你們的不同不是真的不合適,無法磨合你們的不同才是不合適。當有一天,如果你們真正為磨合你們生活中的種種不同而做出了一定的努力,發現真的無能為力,再說出“我們不合適”這句話吧,對雙方都負責,少一些錯過的遺憾。

    不要用不合適來當作借口,去解釋你不愿意去退讓、去改變、去包容

    不要整天想著遇到合適的人了,合適的人不是靠“遇到”的,而是要靠我們在進入彼此不同的人生中時,懂得去磨合各自的性格,你收一收你的玻璃心,我放一放我的直男癌,讓我們慢慢變成適合對方的人。


    作者:李小狼,90后原創作家。傾訴人生的無可奈何,發現世界的光怪陸離。煲有趣的雞湯,開有料的腦洞。個人公眾號:李小狼(ID:hi-xiaolang)

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