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    清明假期,幾個朋友聚會,說起另一個朋友。大家都說,看她的朋友圈真的很心疼,都感覺她太累了太緊繃了,可不知道該怎么關心她。“她越來越獨立,越來越有錢,...

    清明假期,幾個朋友聚會,說起另一個朋友。大家都說,看她的朋友圈真的很心疼,都感覺她太累了太緊繃了,可不知道該怎么關心她。“她越來越獨立,越來越有錢,可是我們都希望,有個人可以陪她好好生活。”
    到了一定年齡以后,人似乎都會面臨一種境況:那么孤獨,卻說一個人真好。

    我記得我27歲的時候,也是這樣,越來越懂得照顧自己,越來越知道如何搞定工作上的事情,越來越知道錢意味著什么,但生活似乎總缺一點什么?是愛情嗎?似乎是,又似乎不是。認真想一想,是缺了什么。

    01.沒辦法從零開始和一個人認識

    一個朋友說,和一個陌生男人坐在一起,真的不知道該如何介紹自己。如果碰到對方用“查戶口”的方式聊天,那簡直更是生不如死。
    來自哪里,家里有幾口人,父母是做什么的,我是做什么的,年收入多少。一個成年人沒有辦法在忽略這些信息的情況下,和另一個人來往。可要交代這些,才能來往,既累也別扭。
    或者還可以直接跳過這些介紹,直接代入工作關系。

    另一個女朋友說,她已經發展出一項神奇的能力,可以把相親對象成功變成自己的客戶或哥們。連她的老板都說:不知道該高興,還是憂愁。不是不孤獨,而是覺得重新認識一個人太麻煩。于是,當舊的那個人走失了,并沒有新的人可以替補上那個位置。

    02.沒辦法要求對方無條件為你付出了

    那天看到一個姑娘在朋友圈發:越來越習慣自己搞定一切事情,轉身回頭一看,背后真的空無一人。我想起我的一位姐姐講過一句更精辟的話,當了老板,習慣了都是自己買單,真不習慣讓別人買單。活該到現在還是單身。不是不知道有些女人可以理直氣壯的要包包,要名牌,要依賴,只是自己做不到。

    父母當然不知道,他們“別找人要東西”的家教,從前是美德,現在很可能是阻礙。一個女人一旦不再那么容易被討好,一旦不再那么需要旁人,也就意味著她一定會越來越孤獨。不是不孤獨,而是習慣了不依賴別人。于是,當真正需要另一個人的時候,也不知道該如何表達出來了。

    03.沒辦法再在人前流淚
    不是不孤獨,而是孤獨已經成為了自己的一部分。于是,拋棄孤獨,和另一個人生活在一起,反倒要拋棄自己的一部分。

    你那么孤獨,卻說一個人真好。因為你真的在孤獨中錘煉出了一幅盔甲。它保護著你,你也需要它。但不要習慣死死抱著它不放,讓人以為你真的所有事情都能一個人搞定。你的內心其實和20歲時候一樣柔軟。

    去年在劉若英的演唱會上,vip區里,坐著的都是看起來有故事的熟女們。開場前,她們都優雅矜持的坐著那里,完全不似后面的小姑娘們那般興奮。可到了后面,一首歌接一首歌,我聽見了旁邊開始不斷出現隱忍的啜泣聲。那場演唱會,我也跟她們一樣淚流滿面。

    可能每一個女人眼淚背后的含義,都不一樣。有時候是懷念,有時候是委屈,有時候是遺憾。但流淚的時候,就會知道:我做了那么多改變,都是為了我心中不變。也許,有的時候,不是我們不夠堅強,而是我們太堅強了。

    在我30歲以前,我以為真正的強大是鏗鏘,但我現在覺得,真正的強大是舒展,是可以在堅強與柔軟之間隨心轉換。可以堅強,也可以柔軟。

    可以清醒,也可以迷糊。可以聰明,也可以愚笨。可以是這樣的你,也可以是那樣的你。可以一個人,也可以兩個人。可以遇到愛與性,也可以遇到懂得。

    所以,姑娘,去認識新的朋友吧,去好好表達“我需要你”,去勇敢流淚而不覺羞愧,那不代表你不堅強,那說明你比從前更加無畏做自己。而真愛,或許就會在那個時候到來。

    作者:十二。一個女作家(年齡顏值保密)。出過幾本書,百萬讀者放在枕邊閱讀。她是最溫暖的閨蜜,也是最犀利的導師,帶你穿越最迷茫的那段人生。新書《貪心的女人更好命》正在熱賣中,找她請搜索公號:不畏將來不念過去(ID:shier1213),或微博搜索:十二—不畏將來。

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